There I said it.

Fat.

Yup.  That is what I am.
And I am tired of it.

I am pretty sure there aren't any other women out there 

depressed at being at their pre-pregnancy weight.

And it really isn't about the numbers this time.  I feel fat. And I feel bad, and unhealthy.

But I have a plan, and its going good.

I am doing the C25K program again.

I'm on Week 1 Day 3.  

My calves and legs have been sore.  But my knees are holding up, and the breathing is getting a little easier.  Hopefully in a couple months I will be able to run 3 miles.

I have been getting up at 6 am to run, which I hate, but it is the only time in the day I have to myself.

And I feel quite proud that I can accomplish something that early in the morning.

I have been eating better lately too.

(Not counting my out of control binging... but I will get to that later.)

I'm not following any sort of plan right now, but I will start one soon.

Just wanted to put it out there....  That I am trying again.

Put it in writing, you know...to give myself more accountability.

I really want to do it this time.  I can't fail.... again.

Cause every time I do, I just get fatter.

And I really want to be a runner, more than anything.

Here's the plan;

Monday, Wednesday, Friday - 6am, C25K

Saturday - 8am,  I do C25K with my friend.

I don't have anything for Tuesday or Thursday yet, I am thinking of a yoga class.
Also looking for my first race to do in March.

Wish me luck.  Send me prayers.  Help a sister out!