There I said it.

Fat.

Yup.  That is what I am.
And I am tired of it.

I am pretty sure there aren't any other women out there 

depressed at being at their pre-pregnancy weight.

And it really isn't about the numbers this time.  I feel fat. And I feel bad, and unhealthy.

But I have a plan, and its going good.

I am doing the C25K program again.

I'm on Week 1 Day 3.  

My calves and legs have been sore.  But my knees are holding up, and the breathing is getting a little easier.  Hopefully in a couple months I will be able to run 3 miles.

I have been getting up at 6 am to run, which I hate, but it is the only time in the day I have to myself.

And I feel quite proud that I can accomplish something that early in the morning.

I have been eating better lately too.

(Not counting my out of control binging... but I will get to that later.)

I'm not following any sort of plan right now, but I will start one soon.

Just wanted to put it out there....  That I am trying again.

Put it in writing, you know...to give myself more accountability.

I really want to do it this time.  I can't fail.... again.

Cause every time I do, I just get fatter.

And I really want to be a runner, more than anything.

Here's the plan;

Monday, Wednesday, Friday - 6am, C25K

Saturday - 8am,  I do C25K with my friend.

I don't have anything for Tuesday or Thursday yet, I am thinking of a yoga class.
Also looking for my first race to do in March.

Wish me luck.  Send me prayers.  Help a sister out!

30 Day Challenge

I read a very inspiring blog post the other day,

 from one of my favorite people/bloggers (that I have actually never met).

Walk Before You Run

Did you read it??  See, INSPIRING!

I think that's always my problem with the goals I set out for myself,

I start too big, and then fizzle out.

I want to run 3 miles in one day, when I know I can't even do 1 mile.

Or even get my ass on the treadmill.

We had a little scare not last month.  Not a big deal, but I though I was pregnant.  And that wouldn't be a bad thing, far from it.  I was just scared, cause I realized I haven't done any of the things I wanted -and needed- to do before we have our next baby... like potty training Clark, running a 5K, dropping a few hundred pounds.  I've been doing well on the other little goals I set for myself, a couple months ago.  My family is on a better schedule and on the way to better eating habits (that is taking a bit longer since someone -Dad- is such a big baby and junk food-aholic). 

 I am just not doing well on my running goal.  

I am no where near, where I should be for the end of December.  

We (my friend and I) set the date for our first race!

March 18, 8K, here in Virginia Beach.  

So, I have a little over 3 months to train myself to run 5 miles.  

I know I can do it.  I just have to take baby steps to get there.  

I am not a fan of running, I really hate it.

Like totally 100%

But it is something I want to do with all of my heart.

(I've just got to get my body on board.)

I am going to do a 30 day challenge where I run/jog/walk really fast,

EVERYDAY!

I am allowing myself to take Sundays off, 

but I am jogging all the other six days of the week, 

for the next month, until Janurary1.

I am going to start the new year out right, ahead of a goal, on track!

And maybe this running everyday will help me develop a good habit, 

so that when I start pushing myself longer and harder, 

I will be able to stay on task, instead of just giving up.

I can't wait.  I really really am hoping I can do this!

Challenge Accepted

My friend asked me if I wanted to run a 5k with her early next year, 

and of course I said YES,

 since I was already kinda training...
and well you know how much I want to.  

We moved my tread mill into my bedroom, so I can't use the "its too cold" excuse to not go running, and I can also watch my shows while I run.  We have it planned to do a practice run in January, and then run a race down here in Virgina Beach in March or April.  I am excited.  

On a related note...

I am still not doing well with the running, my chubby body really really hates it.

But I am going to keep on, keeping on.

Meh.

Went jogging today.

It sucked.

Someday, I hope and pray that it doesn't suck.

Please, someone tell me that it will get easier.

NOT looking forward to my workout tomorrow.

But, I am going to do it anyway.

I hope.

C25K

Here is the new thing I am doing...

Couch To 5K

And I am really excited about it!!

I am only about a couple days in, but so far so good.  It didn't think it would be so hard,

60 seconds of running psh, easy.  But I am so incredibly out of shape, that it is kicking my butt.

I take the boys with me when I do my walk/jogs and push them in the double stroller.  I am hoping that this will build up my strength and endurance, so when I do get to run by myself it is much easier.

I am, like always, working towards a marathon (or at the very least a 1/2 marathon) next year.  

But for now, I do have a couple of 5k races lined up in October and November that I hope I can be ready for.

I really want to do this!

Also, I am going to be signing up for a couple classes in the evening next month, a yoga one for sure, and then maybe a spin class.  

Go! Fight! Win!

Honolulu Marathon

I am so sad today.  Today was the Honolulu Marathon that I was SUPPOSED to run.  I gave myself all year to train and get ready... and I wasted it.  I am not even any closer this year than I was last year... well maybe a teeny tiny bit closer. 

I am just such a bad runner.  I don't know how to get past that first hurdle.  The longest I have ever run without stopping was .7  of a mile (like 12 minutes).  Sucky.  I want to push myself to go longer, and farther... but I am a big baby I guess.  

Next year, I really want to do it next year.  I really really do.

Mark your calanders!

My first race (I think Jason is going to do it with me too), and I already registered so I can't back out!

THE GREAT ALOHA RUN

FEBURARY 15, 2010

8.15 miles

96 more days, ahh!

I am not entering this race to win, or run my fastest (if I can even run the entire 8 miles) but just to do it, to cross the finish line.  I don't even know how I am gonna do it, but even if I have to walk the entire time I am going to cross the finish line.