C25K

Here is the new thing I am doing...

Couch To 5K

And I am really excited about it!!

I am only about a couple days in, but so far so good.  It didn't think it would be so hard,

60 seconds of running psh, easy.  But I am so incredibly out of shape, that it is kicking my butt.

I take the boys with me when I do my walk/jogs and push them in the double stroller.  I am hoping that this will build up my strength and endurance, so when I do get to run by myself it is much easier.

I am, like always, working towards a marathon (or at the very least a 1/2 marathon) next year.  

But for now, I do have a couple of 5k races lined up in October and November that I hope I can be ready for.

I really want to do this!

Also, I am going to be signing up for a couple classes in the evening next month, a yoga one for sure, and then maybe a spin class.  

Go! Fight! Win!

A New Motivation

I found a new motivation today, 

not that my last one wasn't good enough, 

but the more the merrier, right ;)

I just unpacked 3 boxes of winter clothes, that we had packed away while we lived in Hawaii

(you don't need winter clothes when it is 80 degrees year-round).

None of them fit, NONE!

Operation: Get April Into Her Winter Clothes, starts tomorrow.

I got up this morning, at 5am!, to go for a jog before Jason went to work, but it was still dark.  So, tomorrow morning, after the kids have breakfast, we will start the first of many daily walk/jogs.

I am going to map out a 2/3 mile route tonight.  The plan is to take the kids on a walk (walking for now, working up to jogging) at least 5 days of the week, in addition to the gym membership that I will be getting next month.

I wanna have a baby!

I have decided that I am ready to have another baby! 

Yes, I am serious.

It is not really a big surprise, we haven't exactly kept it a secret that we want a big family, at least 4 kids... maybe 5, 

MAYBE.  

Harry is turning 2 at the end of this month, and well... it's time.

But,

(and its a really BIG butt, cause it's mine!)

I need to lose some weight, get into shape, and just get healthier overall.

With both of my previous pregnancies the doctors made mention of me being over-weight.  One doctor (whom shall remain nameless... just kidding I can't even remember his dumb name) even went as far as to call me OBESE!  I am not joking.  The funny thing about it was I was only 175 lbs, I would be pretty happy if I could get down to that weight again.
We aren't going to start "trying" right away.  We need to get settled in our new area, get things figured out for Clark and Harry (school, doctors, therapists, ect...) and save a little bit of money (or pay down on our credit card).  So, maybe early next year sometime.
(I am really so excited!  A tiny little baby!  A little baby brother or sister for the boys!)
 Which means I have about 4-6 months to get into shape.  I have already started lowering my calorie intake, after the binge fest that was our summer vacation, but need to work on better eating choices.  I am also going to start walking/running again.  The rest of this month (September) I am going to take it easy, while we finish unpacking and sort out our life here.  I don't do well with stress (I have already been having a ton of anxiety) so I don't want to pile too much on my plate.  Come October 1st I will be ready (I hope, I hope) to go all out!  I am even going to try to find a small 5k race to run, give me something to work towards.

I am moving to the moon!

I know it has been forever since I last posted. 

We are moving, and on a sort-of vacation...visiting family and slowly heading towards Virginia (our new home).  I can't even begin to describe the amount of stress I've been under, so many little things everyday.  Not being in my own home with my own things, trying to keep the kids happy as we drag them all over the Southwest, not having time to do the things I enjoy... like reading and blogging (they really do help me relax and de-stress).  I am loving every minute of it, honestly I do, I am so thankful that we are able to travel like this and spend time together as a family....but it is also wearing me pretty thin.  Oh! And the junk food, so much junk food!  Soda for our road trips, fast food drive-thrus so we can get in a couple more hours of driving, and of-corse my Momma's and Granny's home cooked food.  

I have been gaining so much weight!  

Sad face.

We went to the Space and Air Museum, in Alamagordo New Mexico yesterday.  

I paid 25¢ to find out that I weighed 226.3 pounds!

Holy freaking cow!

That is too much.

Another sadder face.

I also found out that I would weigh 88.6 pounds on the moon.

I think I am moving to the moon now.

I think he likes me more....

I think Jason likes me more when I don't diet.  

He is all to willing to by the junk food and fast food.  In fact, he is always buying me things I love to eat (soda, beef jerky, chips, chocolate) in a way to be sweet and nice.  

I hate it.  

I tell him I hate it, but he has a hard time hearing.  I don't know how to explain to him, that yes I love to eat good food (and not so good food), and I know you are just trying to me make me happy, but I would love it more if you supported me on not eating crap food and that would make me twice as happy.

I know I am not going to be able to do this diet thing if I don't have him on my side 100%.

Ugh, just one more thing to add to the list... magically change husband to be supportive and helpful, ha.

Mr. Blog, you are not helping. And, Oy the Stress.

This blog was supposed to be my helper to get healthy, and its not really helping anymore.  I just ignore it until I feel guilty, then I pay a little attention to it, then back to ignoring it. 

 The stress of the move is getting to me.  Getting to me bad.  I have no time to do anything.  Everyday I have a million things to do, and I feel like I have no time to do them.  

For the first time in years, I actually feel the need and want to work out.  Get all that stress and nervous energy out of my body.  And now I have no time to do it, unless I get up at 5 am, and well that is just not going to happen, not in a million years.  Especially when I only get like 6-7 hours of sleep a night.  

(Maybe I need to start making it happen.  Maybe, just maybe.  We will see tomorrow.)

I feel so unhealthy.  I am really trying to eat smaller portions, and healthier things.  But in reality I know I am not doing good enough, and that make me more stressed, and a little sad.

Blah. That is how I feel.  Just blah.

I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life, even when I was pregnant with my kids.

I am embarrassed to go home, for people to look me, and judge me.

Also...

My kids are driving me crazy. CRAZY.  I don't know how I am going to survive this move with them.  I swear at least 60% of my stress is from them.  Harry, and all his new issues.  Clark and he endless amounts of energy, that causes so many messes and problems.  It is exhausting.

I need this move to hurry and be over. 

I want to be settled into my new house, in our new area.

I want to get my life back, and my health back.

ps.  I am back on soda.  It has been the only way I have gotten through the stress of the last couple weeks.  But in exchange for drinking my diet soda, once a day, I gave up cookies, potato chips, most forms of candy. 

Does it get easier?

I have been doing much better with my workouts! I am taking a MUCH NEEDED break from obsessing over what and how much I eat, and trying to concentrate on just the exercise, for now.  So for the past two weeks I have worked in a few walk/jogging sessions (3-4 miles).  Sometimes I take the kids in the stroller, which adds 75 pounds that I am pushing along, great workout.

BUT, I am wondering, when does it start to get easier??  I still don't like to do it.  In fact I hate it.  But I thought that the more I did,  the easier it would get, so I could go faster or longer.  

I am still dreaming of someday running a marathon, someday.  But just for now I would settle for running a mile without feeling like I am going to die.

All the things I can't have.

All this week I have been pumping myself up everyday to start a new diet.  And no matter how much I say I am going to, and how much I WANT to... I just have the hardest time.  I want to do the diet, I have started the beginning phases...but I just can't commit myself all the way.  All I keep thinking about is all the things I can not have anymore.  No more soda (for 6 weeks now, you would think I would be proud of myself...but I am just sad), no more chocolate, no treats, no pasta, no shave ice....nothing interesting.  I KNOW that all the indulging I have done in the past has gotten me to this point, and I REALLY do want to change.  I want to change with all of my heart, somedays it is all I can think about.  I make all these grand plans, diets to try, exercise programs to do...and still I never commit.  I get so angry that I have to make my family dinner, or watch them eat something I enjoy, while I choke down dry chicken and spinach.  I hate when we are on a drive and we stop at 7-11, and the most exciting thing I can get is a bruised apple or banana.  It is so unfair.  I miss drinking soda, or having a little dessert after dinner.  I want to have the will power to make the right choices, to get the body and health that I REALLY want.  BUT I also don't want to feel like I am missing out on everything, and giving up everything I enjoy.  It is such a back and forth battle.  I am wishing I can find something, or someone to give me that push I need, support to just stay on track, and stay focused for the end game.