Off The Wagon

I fell off the wagon...so far off.  I have been cheating like crazy.  I actually don't think you can call it cheating since I haven't been following any diet at all.  I have been eating all sorts of junk, shaved ice (like 3 snow cones), pizza, hot dogs, french fries, candy candy candy, cookies, and cupcakes (way too many cupcakes).  Overboard.  In fact, the only goal I have managed to keep the past couple weeks is NO soda...none. (Yay me!)  I am so proud of myself on that part, I wasn't even tempted a little.  

Usually I am racked with guilt when I cheat, but this time not so much.  I don't even want to eat healthy, I am tired of trying.  Tired of thinking of healthily and filling meals to make.  Tired of fighting with the boys and Jason to eat the food I want (and need) to eat.

I think part of me is just rebelling.  I am planning on starting a detox diet in 3 days, and just knowing the start date is coming up is causing me to crave all sorts of tasty junk.  I am getting more serious.  I know the BIG change is coming, and even though it is a good change and I want it, my body is fighting it.  3 more days!!!

On a more positive note, I have been doing better on exercising.  I am not doing all that I wanted or planned on...but I am doing something (which is more than nothing).

The Great Gym Debate

So, I decided not to join the gym after all.  We can use the money elsewhere (like my second dvr I made Jason get me, and my Netflix account).  Mostly the things I want to work on, like my running, can be done without a gym pass.  I will miss the opportunity to go to some of the classes that I wanted...but there is always time for that later.

I am thinking of getting some exercise videos to do in the morning, because it is too loud to use the treadmill when the boys are sleeping.  I have no idea what I want to get.   Something aerobic, and maybe with some strength weight training.  I want to try that P90X workout, but I don't think I am tough enough ;)  Maybe a yoga video.  I want to get a couple different types, so I want switch of through out the week.

My plan is to get up Monday-Friday 6:30AM and do the videos, and then go running when Jason gets home Monday, Wednesday and Friday with a long run (to work on my stamina) on Sunday.  Ambitious?  Yes, maybe.  Do-able? Yes, definitely.

Weigh In

202.4 lbs.

I decided to weigh myself last night, so I gained a pound...no big deal.  I am sure I would've gained more if I was still drinking soda.  We have not been eating real healthy lately, so it could have been a lot worst.  It is still down from my starting weight and that is all I care about.

TIME TO GET OFF MY BUTT!

Mind Set

One week soda and caffeine free!!!  The headaches aren't so bad anymore, and I have been fine drinking water and crystal light.  I miss it, my life is so sad without diet coke.  It was the one treat I always allowed myself...but I am sticking to it.

I am going to, once again, renew my efforts to get up in the morning before the kiddos.  There is just no time, or energy to do it in the evening when Jason gets home.  Even if the first couple days all I do it get up to read or eat breakfast, at least I will be getting up, then I can work on convincing myself to workout.

I am also planning on starting a detox diet.  It seems pretty straight forward, and not too strict...lots of lean protein and veggies.  I am putting off starting it until after my parents come to visit, and Harry's birthday...because I don't want any excuses to cheat.  I have been following it loosely now, slowly preparing myself.  But in a couple weeks I will be going hard core.

I have this mind set that I can do my work and diets, and then  go back to all the food and junk the my heart loves so much.  I know that is wrong.  I know it is about a total life style makeover.  Which I guess is why it is so hard to get started, and stay focused (especially when you are the only one in your life trying to do the changing).  I wish I could get Jay to do things with me.  He is like that naughty little red devil sitting on my shoulder, saying lets go get some food at Wendy's or how about steaks and homemade fries for dinner.  He is always about food, and lots of it.  He always SAYS that he supports me, but it is hard to get him to do the things I really need, like being excited for chicken salads for dinner and passing the ice cream isle (no matter how good the sale on Breyer's is).  Mind over matter...I just need to remind myself what I really want, lots and lots of reminding.  

I am also shopping around for my first race.  I think there is the Great Aloha Run in February.  It is a 10k, and I am pretty sure that if I don't procrastinate any longer I can be ready in time!!!

Go, fight, win!!!

Ya, never gonna happen.

So, I am going to have to revise my getting up at 6:30 am plan.  Its not gonna happen.  I just loathe getting up that early, I can't do it.  It is like pulling teeth...my head is screaming for more sleep, I can't even open my eyes all the way.  All I do is walk around like a zombie half asleep, and wish I was back in bed.  I need the sleep, for my sanity.  Anyway, the treadmill is too loud and is wakes up the boys, and they need their sleep too!  So, back to trying to go workout when Jason gets home from work...

5 Days

It's been 5 days so far NO caffeine or soda!  I even managed to survive and hold fast to my goals while eating out twice, and during a grocery store trip from hell (all three of the boys were whiny and complaining).

I have also been working on cutting down my portion sizes, eating smaller more frequent meals.  I am not making the most healthiest choices right now (baby steps, remember) but I am doing surprising well.  Slowly, but surely.  It is just a small start, but 5 days is the longest I have been able to last (consecutively) since I started this whole transformation.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to be getting up when Jason leaves for work 6:30AM!!!  I am NOT and have NEVER been a morning person.  Ever.  I just can't do it.  I hated getting up early for school, and would only work afternoon swing shifts at my jobs to make sure I could sleep in.  In fact, I have only ever held one job in my life that made me get up early, and only cause watching little B was more than worth it.  I have trained my children to sleep until 8:30 or later, so that I don't have to get up too early with them...and for the most part they keep a good schedule.  So, to say this will be difficult is a gross understatement!  However, I am going to get up anyway, 6:30am, work out on our treadmill, read my scriptures, and make a healthy breakfast (one thing I never seem to have enough time to do once the boys are up).  I know the first couple days (or weeks) are gonna be rough, until I adjust...and I hope I am not too grouchy of a Mom.  I think accomplishing these things at the beginning of the day, instead of putting it off all day (and then not doing it at all) will set me up for greater success with ALL my goals.  Wish me luck!

Baby Steps or Starting Over...again

I overwhelm myself too easily.  Way too easily.  I am not happy with things being just okay, I want it to be awesome, perfect...the best I can do.  Which does sound REALLY weird saying, because I am not a perfectionist at all (not even close), I just want to be able to do it all, and do it well.

Lately, I have been piling up everything on my plate, way too much...without even thinking about how I would be able to do any of it.  

I have been working tirelessly trying to stay on top of the wretched sugar ants that have taken over my kitchen, and all the other household chores I have to do (freaking laundry in the bane of my existence).  I have been trying to find time to motivate myself to work out, when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.  I want to read, I want to sew, I want to watch re-runs of Criminal Minds ALL DAY LONG, and I really want a diet coke and slice of pizza, with extra pepperoni.  I want, I want, I want.

So, in a effort to lessen the amount of THINGS on my plate, I am starting over.  I am not going to count my calories and obsess over every type of food I eat, I am just going to try eat smaller portions.  I am going to be OKAY with just working out for 15-20 minutes, as long as I do it everyday....okay every other day.  I am giving up my caffeine and soda, yet again (but this time for GOOD, I am serious).  

I am just going to start small.  Do one thing at a time, and not worry about all the things I am not doing.  I am going to take baby steps...baby steps to that spin class, baby steps to no more sugar (and pepperoni pizza), baby steps to running three miles, baby steps.  And I am not going to beat my self up when I can't do it all in one week, or even one month.  I think my new mantra needs to be something like...Rome wasn't built in a day, or all great things take time.  

I can, and will do it. (I am still trying to convince myself.)

ps. This is day 2 of no soda for me, and day 3 of working out everyday.

PUSH

I don't push myself, not nearly enough. 

Last night I was working out on our treadmill, when I was tired I got off, stretched and finished watching my shows.  Only later when I was putting away the treadmill (we fold it up out of the way) did I see how long I actually worked out for.  15 MINUTES!  

That's it, only 15 minutes...that's nothing.  It is pathetic.  I did not even consciously think about,  just got off when I wanted, when I was bored.  

I need to start pushing my self more, not pamper myself so much.  Stop eating whatever I want, whenever I want.  I need to keep telling myself, that I is ok to be a little less full, and a little more sore and tired (from working out).  I am entirely to easy on myself.

The rest of this week I am going to concentrate on PUSHING myself a little harder, not too much cause I am a BIG baby, but more than I am used to.