Thursday, December 31, 2009

Its not just about the FAT.

This new year I am recommitting myself to my weight loss and health goals.
I am all in, 100%!!
No cheat days this time, no excuses for not working out. I am going to quit being a baby, and I am just going to DO IT!
But, I don't want it all to be about fat. I want to find out more about myself, who I am, and work on my other goals, better everything about my life. I intended this blog to be all about finding me (hopefully a skinnier version of me), not just excising and dieting. I am not sure, right now, how I am going to incorporate the other things...but I am going to.

Here's to (I am toasting you with a nice cool glass of Diet Mt.Dew...my last one this year) a great New Year! I am really really praying that I can do it this time.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Its all in the look.

The other day I had a doctors appointment.  The nurse was taking my vitals and what not, and she asked me, "How much do you weigh?".  To which I replied, "200".  (Which is a little lie, I weight 197...but it is 3 pounds, who is really counting, oh yeah I am.)  Then with her eyes squinted she looked me up and down, and up and down again, and gave me a look that obviously meant... I don't believe you. Gah!
Now, I would like to think that she didn't believe me because I look so trim and fit (ha bloody ha), but I am sure she thought I was fatter, and was lying to save face.  
It was just one look, and yet to me it meant a thousand things.  
It reminded me of all the times when I was younger and thinner, when people would look at me...  I never thought what about they were thinking, it never even crossed my mind.  Maybe I might feel a little flattered, because I knew I looked cute that day, or got an awesome outfit.  (There are no cute outfits for us plumpy girls.)  But now, I am so insecure.  Why are you looking at me?  What are you thinking... Look at the plumpy girl, well at least she has a nice smile,  or I would never let myself get that fat, or why is she eating french fries when she should be eating a salad...
I hate that my weight has caused me to be so insecure, and not the outgoing person that I am.  I hate that I never really feel like myself, even with the dieting I feel like I am being someone else.  Not eating food I normally love, or trying new recipes.  Trying to be this fake healthy girl, who really just wants some fried chicken and Mexican food.  Trying to be this runner, when still after all these months I can't find any enjoyment in it, I have to force myself.  I am not a runner girl or an athletic girl.  I am a plumpy girl (who wishes she was skinny) who likes to curl up on the couch a read all day with snacks, or watch a great tv show with snacks.
I wish I could find a way to be myself, and still lose weight.  Snack and read and be lazy, yet still be a runner. And  a real runner, not the pathetic jogging that I do for ten minutes before I stop (cause I feel like I am gonna die).  I wish I could get secure in my body and not worry about every little look people give me. 
It is such a long road, I know.  I am not giving up, NOT at all.  I am just searching for a happy medium.  Some way to get what I want, without totally changing who I am.

GO! FIGHT! WIN!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Why can't everyday be like yesterday??

Yesterday was so awesome.  I stuck to all my rules, I had an awesome work out (2.5 miles jogging/walking), I ate healthy food in small portions (no cheating!), I even cleaned up my house, it was fantastic.  

Today is another story.  One too many sodas, cheating on my diet, and no work out.  I blame it on a very bad kid day, the stress just makes me forget about all the things I want to do.  I wallow in self pity, pick on myself, and then feel even worse for cheating and not working out (it is a vicious cycle).

I don't understand why it is so hard for me to stick to my plan for more than a few days at a time.  I think that is my biggest hurdle I need to get over.  Although I am thankful that I can start over, on a daily basis if needed.

My sister-in-law wants some support getting of soda, so I am going to do that with her.  God knows I need to get off for good, and quit yo-yoing.  I have tried a few times this year, but maybe this can be my first new year's resolution, get off soda and STAY off!


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Weekly Weigh-In

Today I weighed-in at 197lbs.  I gained a little from last week.  I am such a yo-yo, up and down, up and down.  
To be fair (or unfair to me) I have not been sticking to my rules.  I have no will power. :(

SO, this week I am gonna start over (yet again).  Hopefully with a renewed focus, I really am so tired of being plumpy.  
I am going to track my running, by minutes and miles, and try to add a little bit on every week. This week my goal is to get up to 2 miles fast paced walking, and 1 mile jogging.

Rules for this week:
*No eating past 8pm.
*Sticking to my Medi-Fast and Detox Diet
*Some type of workout everyday
*No soda... I will be forever working on this, forever.  But I think for now I really need to get off it.
*Drinking more water

Here I go, again... Meh.

Honolulu Marathon

I am so sad today.  Today was the Honolulu Marathon that I was SUPPOSED to run.  I gave myself all year to train and get ready... and I wasted it.  I am not even any closer this year than I was last year... well maybe a teeny tiny bit closer. 
I am just such a bad runner.  I don't know how to get past that first hurdle.  The longest I have ever run without stopping was .7  of a mile (like 12 minutes).  Sucky.  I want to push myself to go longer, and farther... but I am a big baby I guess.  
Next year, I really want to do it next year.  I really really do.


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

50 in 50!

I saw this guy on the news tonight that had run a marathon in all 50 states.  I want to do that too!  50 marathons, in 50 states!  I am going to try so so so hard to make my first one be next year.

How do you diet when you are sick?

Seriously?  I don't know.  When I don't feel good it is near impossible to eat healthily, let alone exercise.  I have been slacking the past couple days because I caught Clark's cold.  My head is throbbing, my ears are ringing, my throat is sore...and all I want is comfort food.  Right when I get in the swing of things, something always sets me back.  I am so glad I can start over again tomorrow.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Weekly Weigh-In

193LBS!!!

Finally losing some weight again.  Someone at church even told me today that I looked like I was losing weight, it is so nice to feel validated... and just what I needed to hear before I start again this next week.  I am liking this Medi-Fast diet a lot.  It is much easier to stay on top of my calories and food intake when the meals are already planned out and prepared.  I wish I could get another months worth, but it is kinda expensive... so maybe later on down the road.
I haven't been doing well with my exercising at all.  Nothing this last week.  It is so hard to be motivated to work out, when I am concentrating so hard to not cheat... and add in all the other things I have to do, I am already tired before I even walk out the door.  
This next week I am gonna work really hard on not cheating and sticking to my Medi-Fast plan, and adding in 4-5 days of working out.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Maybe...

Clark is sitting next to me eating mini Oreo cookies, and I haven't eaten a single one. Maybe, just maybe I won't be fat forever.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Day by day.

I have been doing the Medi-Fast diet for 4 days now.  Believe it or not, the oatmeal that I eat for breakfast did NOT make me gag today.  The first 3 days were really really hard, but I am really getting used to it.  Most of the prepared meals taste like garbage water, the chicken soup I ate yesterday tasted like old chicken broth.  Even though it is not very tasty, and I am dying for some real food (I dreamed of nachos last night), I am sticking to it for the rest of the month.  I like that I am getting all my daily vitamins and calories, without really thinking about it.  Each packet meal is about 100-150 calories, so I am probably eating about 1000-1200 calories a day.  I also allow myself one diet soda a day, as a treat.  Not too bad.  More do-able than I originally thought.  It was so hard to get back on track, after my Halloween cheat day, and doing this is really helping.  I have 22 more days until Christmas Eve, my next cheat day! 
Now, I just really really really need to work on working out more.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Weekly Weigh-In

Weekly Weigh-In
200lbs.

At least I am maintaining my weight.  I was expecting to have gained a lot, it being Thanksgiving and all.

I did much better working out this week.  Lots of walking.  I even pushed the boys (70 lbs!) to the park and back, 3 MILES!  I plan on doing that a couple times again this next week.  It is such a good work out, up hills, pushing my fatty babies.  I only have a couple more months until The Great Aloha Run, and I need to up my miles for distance.  I am going to work on 2-4 miles walking/jogging this week.

Medi-Fast

I started a new diet today.  It is called Medi-Fast.  A friend of mine did it, she had some left overs and gave them to me.  I have about a months worth.  It involves four prepared Medi-Fast meals per day (soup, shakes, oatmeal) just add water, shake and stir.  Then one regular meal (I prepare), lean meat and lots of veggies.  Each prepared/packet meal is about 150-200 calories.  I already tried the oatmeal one for breakfast, it tasted like paste with chunks of dehydrated apples, gag.  Since I only have a months worth I figure I am going to give it all I got, if it works well maybe I will purchase my next month (it is about $250, $10 per day).  I am hoping this will give me the jump start I need to get back on track.  I have had a awful month of cheating and binging and not enough working out.  If I have to choke down these disgusting packet meals four times a day, there is no way I am going to cheat. (Well, until my next cheat day Christmas Eve.)

So, here I go again.  GO, FIGHT, WIN!!!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A wasted week.

I haven't been doing so well with my goals.  I feel like everyday, every minute even, is a fight to do what I am supposed to.  A fight against Jay, a fight against my kids, and a fight against myself.
I did manage a couple days of working out.  My stamina when I run is getting a little better, but the progress is so slow.
I had a couple good days of eating, but mostly cheating this week.  Blah...
My sister-in-laws, cousin, and I have started a Fat Club.  Everyday day we log our food intake and work outs.  It has helped me eat a lot better...knowing that I am going to have to share EVERYTHING I eat, shame is such a marvelous weight loss tool :)  It is nice to know I am not in this alone, and have a little competition...but how I wish that I had someone here in Hawaii that wanted to work out do do things with me.

It is hard to commit to another week, when I know I plan on cheating like crazy on Thanksgiving (PIE).  But come Friday, I really hope to be back on track.  

Monday, November 16, 2009

Why me???

I am really sucking at this diet, lifestyle change, thing lately.  I wake up in the morning all ready to go, then I see the cookies Jason left on the counter, or cook some toast for Harry...and then I am off, screwed for the rest of the day.  I have lost all my motivation.  I am blaming Jason for the most part, he really does make it so hard for me to stay on task.

BUT, it is a new week and I am having a go at it again, that is after I finish the cookies and milk I am having for breakfast.

My weigh-in yesterday was 200lbs!!!  Almost back to where I started from, it makes me sick and angry.  All that work for nothing.  Arg!

I did do well working out last week:
3 days of 1.5 miles or about 28 minutes walking/jogging.
I know I can do better than that, and I need to up my jogging time/distance so I can get ready for the race in February.

I also started a sort of Fat Club with my sister in-laws...winner get a prize at the end of a few months.  I think the extra support and competition will really help keep me focused...or at least that is what I am hoping,

That is all for now.  I got work to do, and cookies NOT to eat.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Mark your calanders!

My first race (I think Jason is going to do it with me too), and I already registered so I can't back out!

THE GREAT ALOHA RUN
FEBURARY 15, 2010
8.15 miles
96 more days, ahh!

I am not entering this race to win, or run my fastest (if I can even run the entire 8 miles) but just to do it, to cross the finish line.  I don't even know how I am gonna do it, but even if I have to walk the entire time I am going to cross the finish line.

Here I go again...

I have gained 3 pounds in the last couple weeks...ugh!  That is what I get for not working out, and cheating my little heart out.

I have been off the wagon for far too long...I don't know what got into me.  Just tired of always saying no to everything I really wanted to eat I guess.  Although, Jason has enjoyed it...he is not looking forward to me starting over again.
Tomorrow I am back on the wagon, the detox diet wagon.  I am starting over from square one.  It is going to be 10x harder this time...but at least most of the Halloween candy is gone, and Thanksgiving is only a couple weeks away.
Wish me luck, I am REALLY going to need it this time around.

Monday, November 2, 2009

This is what they call yo-yo dieting... and I am a Pro at it.

Enjoying my Mexican fiesta at Cholo's, on my Halloween cheat day!
So, the whole diet thing has not been going well.  Stress, vog (the nasty volcano fog that makes it hard for me to breath, and see, and sleep and gives me pounding headaches), allergies, church parties, kids, and just plain holiday fever...it feels like everyday it is something else, something that is making it harder and harder to make  the right food decisions.  
Last week was great, except I couldn't stay on my diet.  
My cheat day was not as fun as I thought it would be, my food was yummy and it was fun going out with the family...but I felt like a cheater (cause I had already cheated all week) and I shouldn't get such a tasty reward for that.  

I wish I could say that I have started over fresh, psyched and ready for this new week.  BUT, I haven't... I had cold pizza for breakfast (courtesy of my husband) and I am planning on having a cook out with my sister later this week.  On a positive note, I have hardly eaten any of the left over Halloween candy, and I have been doing well on exercising (not super good, but good enough).

I didn't even weigh myself yesterday, and I am too afraid to get on the scale today.  This is going to be a hard holiday season...

I wish I could get that focus back that I had a couple weeks ago, when I was doing so well.  

This is not the end.  I will get back on that horse (or treadmill) and start over, yet again, and probably not for that last time.  It is just going to take me longer (a lot longer) than I thought.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Cowboy Salad

My Mom used to make this for me a lot growing up, and it is probably one of my favorite things to eat.  It is so filling, flavorful, and loaded with vitamins.  It is the ONLY thing I cheat (a VERY little) with and have a sprinkle of salt...cause who can eat a tomato without salt.
It is simple to make...  One diced tomato, a few small diced onions, a few diced green chiles, sprinkle of salt and pepper, and like a teaspoon of olive oil, and vinegar each.  Hmm, so tasty!

Weekly Weigh-In

195!
Oh no! I gained two pounds.  I don't know if it was the extra fruit, or the day I cheated...but I gained two pounds and it feels like TEN :(  Such a crappy way to start the week.  And let me just say that starting over on the "diet" when I cheated for two days is SO hard...add gaining two pounds, and I am just sad and defeated.  BUT I am not giving up.  I am really going to re-focus my energy to staying on track, well until Halloween (this Saturday) when we are going for Mexican food!  
My working out this last week was so much better:
I did 3 days (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) jogging for 20-25 minutes.  It averages out to only a mile, cause I am so slow.  This week I am going to work adding miles, I want to work up to 4 miles.  I will feel like I need to workout more, especially if I want success.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Shame Shame...

I cheated tonight...not too bad, but I still cheated.  We went to our church Halloween party, and I ate some candy and CHILI!!  I feel horribly guilty, and to make it worse, I am probably gonna cheat again tomorrow when we take the boys to the pumpkin patch.  
Dieting during the holiday season is going to be really hard.  But I am just going to try to not over-do it when I do cheat, and make sure I don't cheat too much.  I am still so far from my goal, I don't want to have to start all the way over.

Can I just say...that the chili tasted heavenly (although it could have used some CHEESE) and the candy, well the candy I could have done without.  It didn't taste as yummy as I remember it, which I guess is a good thing and a bad thing (probably more good).  I also just want to mention that there was a table full of cupcakes, cookies, and other delicious what-nots...and I did NOT take a single one.  Yay me!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Quiet Time

This is the hardest time, this quiet time.  When the boys are gone and my house still and quiet.  When the house is dark, except for the flickering light of my tv shows.  My time, my favorite time.  This is when I would normally get a snack...a big bowl of ice cream, some cookies and milk, or some crispy salty potato chips.  It is so weird to be sitting here, eating nothing.  Sure, I could munch on some carrots, or have an orange, they would probably be satisfying and my craving would leave.  But I really really miss junk food, the comfort of it, the familiarity of it.  I always like doing two things....watching tv and snacking, reading my books and snacking, surfing the web and SNACKING.  It feels unnatural to not be eating.  I miss it.  But I am doing the better thing...   Right?  I know I am, but it is hard to change all of myself so fast.  

My poor little chubby self is sad...she wants some cheese.

On a more positive note, having fruit back in my diet is such a treat.  I hardly feel like I am dieting anymore.  I don't want to over do it, because I can already tell that having the sugar back in my body (even though it is good sugar) is making me hungrier faster, and making want to eat more than I have been the last couple weeks.  I need to be careful...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Oranges!!

After two weeks of no sugar, and strict dieting...eating an orange is practically an orgasmic experience.  Enough said.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Weekly Weigh-In

193 lbs.
Woot! I lost six more pounds...which brings my grand total (since I have started this blog) to 13 pounds.  I don't think I have ever lost that much weight before...except after my babies were born.  It still seems a little unbelievable to me. I can't really see it yet either.  There are a couple outfits that are fitting better, and my shorts are baggier, and my boobs are definitely smaller, but most of my clothes still fit the same.  
We need to get a newer scale. I feel like the one we have is so old fashioned.  I would like something a lot more accurate.  Sooner or later my weight loss is going to slow way down, and those one or two pounds I lose (if I am lucky) are going to be the only thing getting me through the week.  

FRUIT!!!!

Tomorrow will mark 14 days on the detox diet.  I did really really well, if I must say so ;)
I cheated a little the first day, and I did cheat a little yesterday (it was sample day at Costco), but both times I cheated it was a very small amounts and not things that were out of control unhealthy.  I think the thing I am most happy about is, I finally have been able to get my portion sizes under control (one of the things I really used to struggle with).  It has been the one thing that has made the most difference.  I eat most of my meals on the kids little plates, and fill it up with veggies first, before I add anything else to my plate.  I get full so much faster than I used to...which I know will come in handy on my cheat days.

The next two weeks of the detox diet, are the same as the first two...lean meats, and lots of veggies.  Except now we get to add FRUIT!!!!!  I can not wait to eat an orange...and tomatoes!

Weeks 3 & 4

Add all fruits. Lots of grapefruits and berries. Tomatoes are ok.

No bananas, watermelon, or grapes. 

Pretty simple.  And only 13 days until Halloween, and my next cheat day!!

I did not do very well on my working out, at all.  I did not even try.  It is the thing I hate the most, especially when I am not feeling well.  In between trying to figure out if this diet was tyring to kill me, or just a horrible sinus infection...I could hardly muster the energy to do my household chores, let alone 30 minutes on the tread mill.  I am hoping to try a little harder this week, I am hoping, hoping, hoping.  I KNOW I am not going to keep on losing weight if I don't get up off my butt!  

So, here is to the next two weeks, FRUIT, exercise and Halloween! Go, Fight, Win!

Friday, October 16, 2009

I wonder...

I don't know what is wrong with me...
For the past week I have felt so sick, and drained.  I have headache after headache, nausea, and I have even lost my breakfast a few times.  And before any one asks, NO I AM NOT PREGNANT...it is not even possible.
I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with this diet I have been on, but for the life of me I can't figure out how.  I am drinking a lot of water, and some Crystal Light now and then.  I eat several times a day (at least 4-5 times), my portions are a lot smaller than they used to be...but I ate like a pig before, so it hard for me to gauge how much is too little or too much.  I am not hungry very often...so I figure I am doing fine in that department.  I am eating protein at least twice a day, and lots of veggies, and even taking a multi-vitamin.  I assumed by now my body would be over the sugar with-drawls...but maybe not.  I really wish I could shake this, so I can start working out again.  I was doing so well before, and now I am probably gonna have to start over from the beginning.
I am really looking forward to next week, when I can add fruits to the menu.  God I want an orange so bad!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Eight Days of Cheating

I am loving this diet, I mean lifestyle change, and I am planning on sticking to it for the long haul.  BUT, I am still a chubby girl at heart, and I love love love food.  Really good food!  Steamy carne asade with guacamole and corn tortillas, crispy bacon, homemade mac and cheese, steak and fries, and Dairy Queen.  I miss food so much.  I miss that warm feeling when you're stuffed to the brim with food, sugary, salty, tasty food.  So, in an honest effort to stay true to my chubby inner self, I am planning eight days of cheating over the next seven months.  
Here are my allowed cheat days:

October 31st Halloween - Mexican Food!!!  I am dying for some beans and guacamole.
November 26th Thanksgiving - We are getting TWO pies, and making homemade mac and cheese...and ROLLS.
December 24th and 25th Christmas and Christmas Eve - French toast and bacon, ham and mashed potatoes...and MORE pie.
December 31st New Year's Eve - Out to dinner at Zia's, our yearly tradition.
February 15th Clark's Birthday - BBQ and CHIPS!
March 11th Jason's Birthday - Hmmm... it will be Jay's choice, but I know it will be so tasty.
April 28th Our Anniversary - Steak, fries, ice cream...and what ever else I can get my hands on.

Those are the days I am living for.  These planned days make it so much easier for me not to cheat now.  Every time I want to eat something I am not supposed to, I just think....18 more days until Halloween, I can do it.  (Jason and I spent an hour planning our Halloween dinner the other night, I CAN'T wait!)  I am going to try not to go too overboard on these days, but I am going to make it fun.  I am hoping by next May I will have lost enough weight that I can add a few more cheat days for the rest of the year....but we will see.

Monday, October 12, 2009

What I learned today....

I want to be skinny, more than I want to eat potstickers!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Weekly Weigh-In

199 lbs.
I LOST 7 lbs! I can hardly believe it! 
I made Jason double check it, I got on and off the scale at least six times, and I even weighed the boys to make sure the scale was working right.  I really lost 7 pounds!  I am sure most of it was water weight, I was kinda bloated last week, but I think it still counts.  I say week one of new diet...sorry life style change, was a total success.  This was exactly what I needed to keep me focused this next week.

I am finding it easier to stay on the diet, even though I spend most of the day planning seven course meals that I wish I was cooking.  I am not as hungry anymore...before I started this change I was hungry ALL the time, eating almost every three hours (and not healthy things or small portions).  Now, I am eating about two normal size meals and two small snacks...and I am rarely hungry in between.

Our house was struck with a plague of fevers, runny noses, and coughs all week long...so my workout report is not as good.  After being up with both boys most of the night I could hardly manage to get out of bed at the normal time, not to mention trying to get up a hour early to workout.  I did manage to jog on the treadmill Tuesday night for 20 minutes, but that was it (I got the plague the next day).  We are on the mend, and I think this next week I can fit in a couple workout days without totally exhausting myself.

I am proud of myself...am I allowed to say that.  I have a long road ahead of me, but for the first time in a long time I KNOW I can do it.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

4 days down, forever to go.

I am doing surprisingly well on the new diet...I mean LIFESTYLE CHANGE.  I am trying to stop calling it a diet, because I don't plan on ever stopping.  Later on down the road, when I am FINALLY losing weight, I might/will have a treat now and then (cause how can you give up Mexican food forever).  But for the most part, I really feel like I have turned over a new leaf.

It is not as hard as I thought it would be.  I am not as hungry as I thought I would be either.  Don't get me wrong, I would die for a Mt. Dew Slurpee or a piece of cheese or an Oreo (oh, I miss Oreos), but I am full and I know that these cravings are just my old BAD habits trying to get out and get a little love.  Tonight I had a piece of grilled chicken and a small  red potato...let me tell you that potato tasted like a TREAT!  Most everything I am eating would taste loads better with a little salt and butter, or any sort of condiment....but so far NO cheating!  I didn't think I would last this long.  Jason and the boys have been eating what I make, or Jason makes his own dinner (like tonight they are having french fries, and I am ok with that and not even tempted).
  
I love this new focus I have, this determination to stay on target....I haven't felt this way in a long time.  Now, if only I could get this same feeling in the WORKING OUT department...then I would be set.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Detox Diet Day 2

Tuna Salad without mayo, really SUCKS!


Monday, October 5, 2009

Detox Day 1

I stayed on the diet all day, and did not cheat (Ok, I lied.  I cheated a very little...but I could've cheated worse-Jay went to Wendy's- and once I cheated, I got right back on track instead of ruining the rest of the day).  I was hungry a lot, and it did take a lot of convincing  not to snack or drink things not on the list.  And eating broccoli with out salt, SUCKS!  But overall, not a bad day.  

I didn't get up early to work out, Clark was up all night sick, but I did jog on the treadmill tonight (and having my shows on the dvr to jog along to really helped me stay focused, and run for longer).

I have a feeling the next few days are really going to suck, as my body starts to have sugar withdrawls and I tire of eating veggies and chicken (with NO salt!).  But I am staying strong.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Detox Diet

First TWO Weeks

Meats: Chicken, Turkey, and Fish. Eggs are OK. No red meat or pork.

Vegetables: You can eat as many green vegetables as you want, but no peas or beans. Red potatoes and avocados are ok.

Do not use bottled salad dressing. Make your own with lemon, garlic, olive oil, tarragon, vinegar, and pepper. 

Nuts: All nuts but no peanuts.

No salt. No dairy. No grains.

Drinks: Drink lots of water. You can add a lemon or lime to your water. V8 juice, carrot, celery or any other vegetable juice is fine. Almond milk and unsweetened tea are ok too. No soda of any kind.

Snacks: Carrots, sardines, or Quaker Rice Cakes (Unsalted or Butter Popcorn flavored only.)


Weeks 3 & 4

Add all fruits. Lots of grapefruits and berries. Tomatoes are ok

No bananas, watermelon, or grapes.


Weeks 5 & 6

Add beans, peas, and peanuts.


Weeks 7 & 8

Add cereals, breads, and pasta. Add one whole grain each week; corn, brown rice, wheat, etc. This is the best way to pick up any hidden grain allergies.


General Principles

This plan is critical to adjust your metabolism. When the liver is full of sugar, it keeps your blood sugar at a level that maintains the addiction and metabolic problems. You will emerge with your sugar cravings gone.

DO NOT GO HUNGRY. Eat every hour if necessary. Do not count calories. If you are full you will stay away from foods to avoid.

DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF.

Drink fluids before every meal.

Eat breakfast as a king, lunch as a queen, and dinner as a pauper.

Plan ahead so you don’t get caught hungry around bad food.

Recruit family members. This detox is very hard without support.


Again, NO DAIRY, RED MEAT, GRAINS, OR SWEETS.


Let's do this thing!

After weeks of cheating my little heart out, I am ready to start over.  I feel extra focused this time, and even excited.  I am tired of wallowing in my own self pity, and blubber.  I am tired of always trying to think of more excuses not to do something, when the real reason is I am just LAZY.  So here I go, AGAIN, tomorrow is the day.

Here is the plan;

Monday- Friday
6:30am Wake-up for stretching, workout, and healthy breakfast. I have recorded a lot of different workouts from the Fit-tv channel...a lot of variety.  My Dad also taught me how to make a delicious and healthy veggie omelet.  As a reward for getting up WAY too early, plenty of reading and quiet tv time before the boys wake up (hopefully).

Monday, Wednesday, Friday 
Jogging on the treadmill for 20-60 minutes after Jason gets home.  I have been saving up tons of tv shows on my dvr to keep me going.  Running is the thing I want to work on the most, so I can run the 10k in February.

Saturday or Sunday
Hiking with the family, or long run by myself.  

My diet for the next two to three weeks will be a detox diet (that my Dad recommend, and he has even tried it, with great success).  It is not over the top crazy like some of the other detox diets I have tried (like my lemonade, maple syrup, all juice diet).  Mostly it is a lot of lean meats, and fresh fruit and veggies.  The goal is to rid your body of all the toxins and SUGARS that build up in your body, and make you crave more sugary and fatty food.  (Totally something I need.)  I am actually really looking forward to doing this, and my Dad, little sister and Mom are even starting with me!  Strength in numbers right :)

The First 2 weeks (or 3 weeks, depending on how much I cheat):

Meats: Chicken, Turkey, and Fish. Eggs are OK.  No red meat or pork.

Vegetables: You can eat as many green vegetables as you want, but no peas or beans. Red potatoes and avocados are ok.  (Red potatoes!!!  Sounds like a treat to me!)

Nuts: All nuts but no peanuts.

Do not use bottled salad dressing. Make your own with lemon, garlic, olive oil, tarragon, vinegar, and pepper.

No salt. No dairy. No grains.  (OUCH! I love salt, especially when I am eating a lot of veggies, this will be one of the hardest parts for me.)

Drinks: Drink lots of water. You can add a lemon or lime to your water. V8 juice, carrot, celery or any other vegetable juice is fine. Almond milk and unsweetened tea are ok too. No soda of any kind.  (Already 4 weeks soda and caffeine free, yay me!)

Snacks: Carrots, sardines, or Quaker Rice Cakes (Unsalted or Butter Popcorn flavored only.) 

And there you go, not too hard.  For a detox diet it still has a lot of options.  It is only a couple weeks, and then I can add on other foods and fruits!  The hardest part for me will be no salt, making my own salad dressings, and no cheese. 

Also, starting today I am starting weekly weigh-ins again (I am never good at this part, I loathe the scale).  Every Sunday I will weigh in, and report on the previous week's workouts.  

I am really excited about this, and I hope I can find some of this enthusiasm tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off at 6:30am telling me it is time to START. 



Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Off The Wagon

I fell off the wagon...so far off.  I have been cheating like crazy.  I actually don't think you can call it cheating since I haven't been following any diet at all.  I have been eating all sorts of junk, shaved ice (like 3 snow cones), pizza, hot dogs, french fries, candy candy candy, cookies, and cupcakes (way too many cupcakes).  Overboard.  In fact, the only goal I have managed to keep the past couple weeks is NO soda...none. (Yay me!)  I am so proud of myself on that part, I wasn't even tempted a little.  
Usually I am racked with guilt when I cheat, but this time not so much.  I don't even want to eat healthy, I am tired of trying.  Tired of thinking of healthily and filling meals to make.  Tired of fighting with the boys and Jason to eat the food I want (and need) to eat.
I think part of me is just rebelling.  I am planning on starting a detox diet in 3 days, and just knowing the start date is coming up is causing me to crave all sorts of tasty junk.  I am getting more serious.  I know the BIG change is coming, and even though it is a good change and I want it, my body is fighting it.  3 more days!!!

On a more positive note, I have been doing better on exercising.  I am not doing all that I wanted or planned on...but I am doing something (which is more than nothing).

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Great Gym Debate

So, I decided not to join the gym after all.  We can use the money elsewhere (like my second dvr I made Jason get me, and my Netflix account).  Mostly the things I want to work on, like my running, can be done without a gym pass.  I will miss the opportunity to go to some of the classes that I wanted...but there is always time for that later.
I am thinking of getting some exercise videos to do in the morning, because it is too loud to use the treadmill when the boys are sleeping.  I have no idea what I want to get.   Something aerobic, and maybe with some strength weight training.  I want to try that P90X workout, but I don't think I am tough enough ;)  Maybe a yoga video.  I want to get a couple different types, so I want switch of through out the week.
My plan is to get up Monday-Friday 6:30AM and do the videos, and then go running when Jason gets home Monday, Wednesday and Friday with a long run (to work on my stamina) on Sunday.  Ambitious?  Yes, maybe.  Do-able? Yes, definitely.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Weigh In

202.4 lbs.
I decided to weigh myself last night, so I gained a pound...no big deal.  I am sure I would've gained more if I was still drinking soda.  We have not been eating real healthy lately, so it could have been a lot worst.  It is still down from my starting weight and that is all I care about.
TIME TO GET OFF MY BUTT!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Mind Set

One week soda and caffeine free!!!  The headaches aren't so bad anymore, and I have been fine drinking water and crystal light.  I miss it, my life is so sad without diet coke.  It was the one treat I always allowed myself...but I am sticking to it.

I am going to, once again, renew my efforts to get up in the morning before the kiddos.  There is just no time, or energy to do it in the evening when Jason gets home.  Even if the first couple days all I do it get up to read or eat breakfast, at least I will be getting up, then I can work on convincing myself to workout.

I am also planning on starting a detox diet.  It seems pretty straight forward, and not too strict...lots of lean protein and veggies.  I am putting off starting it until after my parents come to visit, and Harry's birthday...because I don't want any excuses to cheat.  I have been following it loosely now, slowly preparing myself.  But in a couple weeks I will be going hard core.

I have this mind set that I can do my work and diets, and then  go back to all the food and junk the my heart loves so much.  I know that is wrong.  I know it is about a total life style makeover.  Which I guess is why it is so hard to get started, and stay focused (especially when you are the only one in your life trying to do the changing).  I wish I could get Jay to do things with me.  He is like that naughty little red devil sitting on my shoulder, saying lets go get some food at Wendy's or how about steaks and homemade fries for dinner.  He is always about food, and lots of it.  He always SAYS that he supports me, but it is hard to get him to do the things I really need, like being excited for chicken salads for dinner and passing the ice cream isle (no matter how good the sale on Breyer's is).  Mind over matter...I just need to remind myself what I really want, lots and lots of reminding.  

I am also shopping around for my first race.  I think there is the Great Aloha Run in February.  It is a 10k, and I am pretty sure that if I don't procrastinate any longer I can be ready in time!!!

Go, fight, win!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Ya, never gonna happen.

So, I am going to have to revise my getting up at 6:30 am plan.  Its not gonna happen.  I just loathe getting up that early, I can't do it.  It is like pulling teeth...my head is screaming for more sleep, I can't even open my eyes all the way.  All I do is walk around like a zombie half asleep, and wish I was back in bed.  I need the sleep, for my sanity.  Anyway, the treadmill is too loud and is wakes up the boys, and they need their sleep too!  So, back to trying to go workout when Jason gets home from work...

Monday, September 7, 2009

5 Days

It's been 5 days so far NO caffeine or soda!  I even managed to survive and hold fast to my goals while eating out twice, and during a grocery store trip from hell (all three of the boys were whiny and complaining).
I have also been working on cutting down my portion sizes, eating smaller more frequent meals.  I am not making the most healthiest choices right now (baby steps, remember) but I am doing surprising well.  Slowly, but surely.  It is just a small start, but 5 days is the longest I have been able to last (consecutively) since I started this whole transformation.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to be getting up when Jason leaves for work 6:30AM!!!  I am NOT and have NEVER been a morning person.  Ever.  I just can't do it.  I hated getting up early for school, and would only work afternoon swing shifts at my jobs to make sure I could sleep in.  In fact, I have only ever held one job in my life that made me get up early, and only cause watching little B was more than worth it.  I have trained my children to sleep until 8:30 or later, so that I don't have to get up too early with them...and for the most part they keep a good schedule.  So, to say this will be difficult is a gross understatement!  However, I am going to get up anyway, 6:30am, work out on our treadmill, read my scriptures, and make a healthy breakfast (one thing I never seem to have enough time to do once the boys are up).  I know the first couple days (or weeks) are gonna be rough, until I adjust...and I hope I am not too grouchy of a Mom.  I think accomplishing these things at the beginning of the day, instead of putting it off all day (and then not doing it at all) will set me up for greater success with ALL my goals.  Wish me luck!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Baby Steps or Starting Over...again

I overwhelm myself too easily.  Way too easily.  I am not happy with things being just okay, I want it to be awesome, perfect...the best I can do.  Which does sound REALLY weird saying, because I am not a perfectionist at all (not even close), I just want to be able to do it all, and do it well.
Lately, I have been piling up everything on my plate, way too much...without even thinking about how I would be able to do any of it.  
I have been working tirelessly trying to stay on top of the wretched sugar ants that have taken over my kitchen, and all the other household chores I have to do (freaking laundry in the bane of my existence).  I have been trying to find time to motivate myself to work out, when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.  I want to read, I want to sew, I want to watch re-runs of Criminal Minds ALL DAY LONG, and I really want a diet coke and slice of pizza, with extra pepperoni.  I want, I want, I want.

So, in a effort to lessen the amount of THINGS on my plate, I am starting over.  I am not going to count my calories and obsess over every type of food I eat, I am just going to try eat smaller portions.  I am going to be OKAY with just working out for 15-20 minutes, as long as I do it everyday....okay every other day.  I am giving up my caffeine and soda, yet again (but this time for GOOD, I am serious).  

I am just going to start small.  Do one thing at a time, and not worry about all the things I am not doing.  I am going to take baby steps...baby steps to that spin class, baby steps to no more sugar (and pepperoni pizza), baby steps to running three miles, baby steps.  And I am not going to beat my self up when I can't do it all in one week, or even one month.  I think my new mantra needs to be something like...Rome wasn't built in a day, or all great things take time.  

I can, and will do it. (I am still trying to convince myself.)

ps. This is day 2 of no soda for me, and day 3 of working out everyday.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

PUSH

I don't push myself, not nearly enough. 
Last night I was working out on our treadmill, when I was tired I got off, stretched and finished watching my shows.  Only later when I was putting away the treadmill (we fold it up out of the way) did I see how long I actually worked out for.  15 MINUTES!  
That's it, only 15 minutes...that's nothing.  It is pathetic.  I did not even consciously think about,  just got off when I wanted, when I was bored.  
I need to start pushing my self more, not pamper myself so much.  Stop eating whatever I want, whenever I want.  I need to keep telling myself, that I is ok to be a little less full, and a little more sore and tired (from working out).  I am entirely to easy on myself.
The rest of this week I am going to concentrate on PUSHING myself a little harder, not too much cause I am a BIG baby, but more than I am used to.  

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Whoo-hoo!

I LOST 3 POUNDS!
After all my hard work and perseverance I finally was able to lose a few pounds! 
Okay, so maybe it was not so much hard work, but more like the stomach flu I got last week, but still yay!
I know, I know...it is only 3 pounds but it is better than nothing.  I just got to keep going, and hopefully not gain it all back.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Going through the motions...or complaining how unfair my life is.

Jason has a fitness test coming up that he has to pass, so the time set aside in the evening when I normally workout, has now been taken over by Jason. (Not fair!)  I give up drinking soda completely, and I am hating every minute of it...with no results.  Jason switches to diet soda and still drinks like a fish and losses weight?!?  (Not fair!)  While I can barley run for 15 minutes without getting out of breath, Jason all the sudden decides he wants to be a runner and jumps on the treadmill running 4 miles like it's no big deal. (Not fair!)  I am starving trying to eat my pathetic little chicken salad, while Jason is stuffing his hole with a tasty sausage hot dog and french fries...NOT FAIR!!  I swear if I hear another person ask Jason if he's lost weight, or tell him how good he looks...I will freak out! (So, not fair!)  He is such a pain in my side right now, always saying how much he supports me and wants to help out...Yet, getting junk for dinner, filing our freezer with ice cream I have to convince my self not to eat, and fighting me on every change I want to make.   Arg!

I am just not doing very well on my goals, any goals. 
It seems all I can manage to do, is what I need to do...take care of the boys, clean up after the boys, laundry (ALWAYS so much laundry), making sure the house is in order, you know the basics. I can never find the energy or time to do the extra things I want to do.  When I do find few minutes to do something extra, the entire house and family falls down around me. It is so frustrating. I just don't know how to do it.  

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Motivation

I am thinking of joining a gym.  
I need more structure and accountability (which keeping this blog was supposed to give me, but I need a little more help).  It is so hard to jog on the treadmill at home, the boys are always destroying something or Jay needs me to make dinner, tons of reasons (or excuses I guess).  
I like the thought of going to different classes every evening (spin classes, yoga, Pilate's, kick boxing...so many options), and getting OUT of the house would be a HUGE plus, and maybe even getting a professional trainer to give me real tips.
$30 a month isn't that bad, and I think it will be really good for me.  A head start.

Let's all cross our fingers that I can convince Jay...


*UPDATE*  Jay said YES!  Woo-hoo!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

My favorite...

My absolute favorite song to run to right now, and I can make it through the song twice (without stopping)! 
Wake Up by Arcade Fire...just a little bit of heaven to my ears.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I really need to lose some weight...

she says, as she eats Oreo cookies and sips a nice frosty one (diet Coke that is).

I am missing that thing, that key ingredient most people have and use to accomplish their goals...I think it is called stick-to-itiveness.

Needless to say, I am having a hard time staying on track for longer than a day or two at the most.  Yesterday was great, I even ralked (oh, that is my word for running and walking) on the treadmill.  But today has been a total disaster.  I don't know what keeps me from making the wise food choices I should be making.  No impulse control, maybe some emotional eating (I eat when I am bored or happy...it is a REALLY good thing I don't like to eat when I am mad or frustrated, a really good thing) or Jason always buying junk food even when I beg him not too.  Who knows...but I really need to lose some weight.  

Friday, July 31, 2009

Before...

My before pictures.
July 19, 2009
204 lbs.  (Yikes!)
I wanted a side view picture too.
I finally weighed myself today, after putting it off for almost two weeks.  Two weeks of cheating and convincing myself not to work out.  I am finally back on track!  (Not even a little tempted to eat that delicious chocolate cake in the fridge, ok ok a little tempted to have it for breakfast tomorrow, but I am going to hold fast.)  Jay and I cleaned out our bedroom and made room for our treadmill, which has been living in the boys' closet for the past 1 1/2 years, so now I have NO excuse not to work out every single day.  
Back to the weigh in, my grand total is...204 pounds, the absolute heaviest I have ever been.  Even when I was pregnant with both my babies, I never got above 200.  I thought it would be harder for me...to see those numbers on the scale, I never wanted to be above 200, EVER, it was like one of those milestones I hoped I would NEVER reach.  But for some reason I am fine with it.  I got myself here, ALL by myself...and I know I am on the right track to get it off...slowly but surely.  
I am hoping by next year, on my birthday to be down 50 lbs.  I know that is a huge amount to try for, and not even my goal weight...but if I am going to do it, I want to do it right.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Square One

I feel like I am all the way back at square one again.  I had a great week last week...not very much working out, but otherwise keeping on track.  Then came the weekend, and my birthday, and now I am officially off the wagon (and enjoying a lovely plate of french fries and chicken nuggets while I am at it).  Why when I cheat, or over indulge do I take so long to get back to the plan?  I know life it gonna be full of slip-ups and starting over....but does it really need to be this daunting for me.  Geez, it was just a day...ok mostly the whole weekend, but I really didn't go overboard as much as I could have.  
I am still not doing well with the working out.  Nothing!  Combine my hatred for anything not involving sitting on the couch, or at the beach, and my lack of free time...I have plenty of two kids hanging all over me time, or chores up my butt time, I just have NO free time.  Does vacuuming twice a day count as  exercise...cause most days that is what I have to do, and I do work up a sweat.  
So, once again back to square one.  And hoping to stay on the wagon for more than a week this time.

Stay tuned for my before pictures and weight...oh yea, I am gonna get on a scale, let's all pray it doesn't break.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Left over birthday cake....

Need I say more???

It is gonna be a long day.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Breakfast of Champions

I am not a big breakfast eater, in fact I don't even like breakfast foods....unless it is a giant sticky bun loaded with nuts, or a chilly can of diet coke (and my last goal says I can't have that anymore) I am just not interested.  I know how important eating a good meal at the start of the day is, it jumps starts your metabolism, and sets you up for success or failure for the rest of the day.  So I have been searching for something healthy that I could eat every morning.  I tried yogurt, but I really just hate it.  I don't like the texture or the smell and I would gag every time I would try to eat it, and besides it wasn't filling enough to get me through the morning.  I tried healthy cereals, but unless they are coated in sugar I just have no interest.  I was going crazy and hungry...
Then I found these little whole wheat tortillas at the store, high in fiber, low in carbs and only 50 calories.  Delicious!  So, for the past few mornings I have been making me this very tasty and healthy breakfast burrito.  It goes like this;
1 scrambled egg with pepper and salt
1 small handful of black beans
1 even smaller handful of left over veggies (onions, peppers, tomatoes...anything left over from the night before)
1 sprinkle of fat free cheddar cheese
1 tbsp of salsa
All piled on top my little whole wheat tortilla, yum-o!
You know what they say about having a healthy well rounded breakfast...that it will keep you full longer through out the morning, that it will help you reduce you snacking through out the day, and give you more energy...well guess what, IT'S TRUE.  I have been converted, this breakfast skipper is now a full blown breakfast eater.  Now, I just have to get off my bum and work out!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Day 1

No caffeine or soda.
I have done this before, many times, and last time I even made it like 6 months...but Jason loves to buy soda and always gets me hooked again.  It is going to be a particularly hard weekend to start, with birthday my festivities coming up.  But today is always a better day to start than tomorrow.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Reading and waiting.

I have been doing a lot of reading, a lot.  Weight loss sites and blogs, food recipes and blogs, running blogs...on and on.  And I have come to the conclusion that I need to pick a diet plan.  And more importantly I need to keep a daily food journal.  I need something with rules and structure, and results.  I should probably buy a scale and weigh myself too...maybe that would get my butt in gear.

I am not really doing good on my little goals right now, not good at all.  

I feel hungry all the time.  I fill myself up on salad, and veggies, getting all the food groups in...and within the next hour I am already thinking of what I can eat next.  I made a delicious batch of oatmeal cookies the other day, and even though I eat only one at a time, I eat them 20 times a day (I have grounded myself from making any cookies for a while).  So, I figure keeping a food journal will shame me into eating better.  I can't find a minute to get out of the house, or prepare a healthy meal.  I recorded like 5 hours of different exercise shows, but Clark screams anytime I turn something on that was not made by Pixar.  I even got up this morning at 5:00 am to go workout, only to find out Jay had to go in early and was leaving in 10 minutes (why he didn't tell me the night before, or while I was getting dress I will never know).  

It seems like everything is against me, road block after road block.  It makes me so angry that I can't just say...this is what I want to do, and then do it.  I always have to wait...wait for the kids to go to bed (and they never do), wait for Jason to come home, wait until we have some extra money (and we NEVER do), wait until we move...always waiting.  Waiting for something to happen, that will change things.  Even though I know I am the only one who can change things.

I need something to kick start me into gear.  Something to push me over the edge.  Cause even though I want these things, and changes....and just can't commit and start doing them.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

It's all in the name.

So, I changed my name...of the blog. 
 I liked 'Fat People Suck' at first cause I thought it was edgy and funny.  But then I realized that I'm not edgy (not even a little) and it was maybe a little funny but mostly mean.  I don't discriminate yo, I love all sorts of people...and I am just not a hater.  I like my new name, it better describes what this blog is all about....my chubby life.

Stay tuned for My Super Hot Model Life ;)

Friday, July 10, 2009

April Downer

Okay, okay.  It has come to my attention that I have been being quiet the downer.  I don't mean to come across as so depressed and tragic.  I have just been trying to be more honest with myself.  I have always kept that side of myself private.  I don't like to be a burden to people, or sit and complain and complain...that is not me.  But I have learned that if I keep going on like everything is good and happy, then my life is never going to make the positive changes that I want.  

Over the past few years my life has gone through some major changes, moving too far from home, becoming a mother of two, going from a two income household to a very small one income house hold, and a husband that expends any reserve a patience I might have (seriously, if you want to find the root of most of my problems and stress it is Jason...and yet despite it all, I love him).  I welcomed all these changes, and I love them...but I did not deal with them well.  It was a little too much for me.  And I kept it all inside, trying to be the hippy happy April that I always was.  That is not working anymore.  I want to make some changes in my life, good changes, and it is gonna be a little rough and salty at first.  But just wait!  In a year when I am skinny and beautiful and more famous than Stephanie Meyer, you will be happy you made this journey with me.  All the ups and downs will be worth it, and you will know me all the better because of it.

So, to review.  I am ok, I am not going to kill myself.  I love my chubby life, despite all the ups and downs...I have been truly blessed.  But I am not who I want to be right now, I have so much more potential and I am gonna find it. 

Love ya all.

It's just too hard.

Come on!!!!  Why can't I do this?  I can't even go a day keeping my goals.  I am just too tired and unmotivated.  I keep silently screaming to myself to do something, anything...but yet here I sit making excuse after excuse, trying to remind myself how much I want this.  I am willing to work for it, but why can't I just start.

I am going to make a (yet another) doctors appointment next week.  Hopefully someone will hear what I am saying and give me some relief.  I know that half of my problems with my health and my fatness...come from my depression and anxiety.  Yet, even knowing that does nothing to change it.  It is the worst feeling ever.  It is like old April is back there in my head, being my same old self, trying to get on with things...but a mean, sadder, and moodier April has taken over.  And she doesn't let me do anything I want, she makes me say the most horrible things, and every time I start to make any progress what so ever she pushes me down and kicks me a lot.  She is such a bitch.  

Maybe my first goal needs to be geared more towards mental health.  Find a doctor who will help me, and even someone to talk to.  Find out why I eat so much, and why I am so sad and angry all the time.  Because I don't think I am going to make any progress when I am stuck in the rut.   I am so scared.  I never have any luck with doctors, never.  But I am really not going to give up this time.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Where to start?

I feel like I am standing at the bottom of an incredibly tall and rocky mountain.  It is a little cloudy and dark so I can't even see the top, but I know it is high and steep.  It's one of those mountains that takes your breath away with just thought of having to climb it.  I can see a couple trails, but they look too daunting, long and curvy, steep and just impossible.  I don't know where to start, where to put that first step.  I know it is NOT going to be a short journey, it is gonna take me forever and I know I am going to have to start over a million times (just like I already did this morning, when I had Pepsi and Cheetos for breakfast).  But where do I start?

I need to start small, little goals.  Something not too impossible for me to keep.  Day by day seems too tedious...and besides I don't have enough time to log on everyday and chart my progress (and not even I want to read about everything I ate for the day-blah).  A friend once told me that losing weight is 80% what you eat and only 20% exercise.  Which is kinda good news, cause I loathe to exercise...but I am really gonna need to work on what and HOW MUCH I eat.

So, I think my first two goals will be:

First, to limit the amount of food I eat.  Smaller meals, six times a day (unlike my smaller meals 10-12 times a day that I manage to eat now).  I am not going to worry too much about what I do eat (for now) but will try to keep it all fresh and the least amount of sugar as possible.  My biggest problem when it comes to food is I like to eat too much.  I love to cook these huge meals, huge, and I pile my plate.  Nothing makes me happier and content than a warm full stomach.  I need to find someway to be content with less, smaller portions.  So for the next couple weeks, I will work on having smaller portions.  I will also do some research on calorie counting.  I know how to count calories if I get my food from the box, but not really if I make my food from scratch (which I like to do).  I will also figure out how many calories I am going to eat a day.  I am not sure if I am gonna try a certain diet or what.  I have never really had any luck with diets...but certain things will have to go.

Second, walking.  I hate to exercise, I HATE it.  I never feel better when I do, I only feel tired and hot and sweaty.  I can think of a million other things I would rather be doing.  But nothing is ever going to be accomplished (least of all my dream to run a marathon) if I don't get off my butt sooner or later.   I am gonna start with 3-5 miles, 4 days a week, and only walking for now (later I will add running...I actually have a routine worked out -for the marathon- but it is gonna take a while to get there).  One of the hard things in my house is WHEN can I even find the time to exercise.  Jason gets home so late, right when it is time to start cooking dinner an winding down for the night.  I would love to be able to go out during the day, but we live in a dangerous traffic neighborhood, with no sidewalks, and I can't imagine a worse place to try walking with a double stroller.  So evenings it must be, and I am going to start today.

Well, those are my little goals, my baby steps.  Just for the next couple weeks, until (hopefully) they become habits.  Habits I can slowly build upon, until I reach the top of this impossible mountain.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Write it down, make it happen.

In the hopes of making my dreams and goals reality, I am writing them down, and committing to them.  There is so much I would love to do, some as easy as getting up off the couch and just doing , and others requiring years of saving and preparation.  So without further ado my bucket list;

Travel Europe...Scotland, Germany, Italy, England.
Sing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...like join it, you know.
Learn to knit, and make my family matching hats and scarves.
Run a marathon.  I would like my first one to be the Honolulu Marathon, but I am not that picky.  I just want to be a runner.
Write a book.
Make quilts, I want to be a quilter.
Swim with the sharks. 
Own a home...our own home.
Learn to speak another language...Spanish, French, I am not to sure yet?
Write a book that doesn't suck.
Go sky diving.
Get a Masters Degree in anything.
Go to Africa.
Be debt free, and financially secure
Have a big family...maybe 4 or 5 kids.  Ahh, did I just say that out loud!?
Be a guest judge on the Iron Chef America.
Road Trip across America.

Well, that is a start.  I got a lot of planning and working to do.  I am so over new year's resolutions...they never work out for me.  I think from now on I am just going to have my own birthday resolutions, keep track of my year to year progress.  My birthday is coming up, and as I think about turning 29 this year... I also start thinking of all I want to do before I turn 30.  I feel as if I haven't accomplished much with my 29 years, aside from my gorgeous family.  And I really want to do and be so much more.  Now, what first on my list, hmmmm.

My First Fatty Blog

I am fat.  I am unhealthy and uncomfortable in my own body.  I hate it every morning when I get up, and everynight as I fall asleep.  My clothes are tight, I tire easily and my body aches.  I need to do something...anything.  

So, since I like to blog (and I am working on my writing) I wanted to start my OWN blog.  Only about ME...not my kids, not my family...just me.  My journey through my fat world to and healthier and skinnier world.  I need a little accountability to keep me focused and on track.  No more lounging about dreaming of that size 6, and running that marathon...I am actually gonna do it.  Small goals at first, do-able goals.  

I need a plan of action...and I haven't really thought it all out yet.  This is a work in progress.  So that is my first goal, make a plan.  Eating plan, excersing plan...

I am really gonna do it this time.  Work on ME!  Fix me!  Get healthy, happy, skinny and free.